Good things never last, and I don’t want to ruin anything simply by being aware that things will end, but it’s pretty difficult not to at least think about it every once and a while.  I’ve been very happy lately.  I tell the customers I’m doing “very well” and wish them an “excellent evening.”

What the fuck? lol WHAT’S GOING ON?!

I’m just happy.  Things are going well. And you know what sucks? Remembering that all things come to an end.  I just keep thinking: it’s all too good to be true.  Right now it feels like a “forever” kind of awesome… but logic and past experience suggests that something will shift within (or without) and everything will be shitty again.  I need to figure out what the key element is.  What is it that makes now different than before?

Well, I haven’t started working back at the Writing Center yet.  But that always did seem to put a satisfied smile on my face.  So I can expect that work on Monday should bring me further content, not dissatisfaction.

Perhaps it’s the readily available intoxicants?  But that’s nothing new, really. ;)

We did fix some hiccups in the working environment, and the new shift lead is super chill.  So that helps, but I mean, I always liked my job.

So what is it?  I’ll probably not figure it out until it happens (the shittiness) and I’ll have to reform my happiness from scraps—start again from the base and build up, stacking my cards in a pyramid even though all it takes is an errant gust of wind to blow the whole thing down.  And inevitably I’ll yearn for this past, but I won’t remember it just as it is.  Likely, I’ll remember it as even more sparkly and glorious.  Which will only make the nostalgia wrack my bones more forcefully.

I don’t know.  I’m going to try to live in the moment where I can (side note: I love talking about time like it’s a place, lol).  Hopefully it stays awesome for a long time before it disintegrates.  What else can I hope for, what with the basis of life being change and growth?

Sigh.  I have to learn to create these moments for myself, instead of just stumbling into them, recognizing them for what they are, and hoping they’ll last forever (even though I know they won’t).  I can hope for a long time… but after that… eventually I’m going to have to figure out how to take the awesomeness with me wherever I go (and whenever I wish).